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Experiences, Love & Relationships

Paying For The First Date?

This is widely debatable.

I feel that if a MAN asks a WOMAN out and it is their FIRST date then he is obligated to cover the expenses for said date.

Just to clarify:  If the male and female are in a relationship and have gone on numerous dates where the man has covered the bill then we can debate going Dutch or the women treating the man.

But in THIS particular situation we are dealing with a man who has asked a woman out several times, and she finally agreed to go on their FIRST date.

Any one who knows me knows that I am a hopeless romantic.  When I am in love I am in love and there is no doubt about it.  However, when it comes to dating, I am somewhat unapproachable, not because I am stuck up, but because I simply don’t like dating, it’s awkward.  And I don’t really put my self out there to date.  Not to mention I have particular standards that have to be fulfilled before I even consider getting dressed up on my off day to go out with you…

Any way we are getting off topic,

Since my last relationship I can say I have talked to maybe one guy, who I lost interest in… (that is a story for another blog) and I haven’t really dated because I have been busy with work, trying to get over my ex, and getting my life/career on track.  There has been this guy, (we won’t even give him a name) and he has been overly friendly and trying to get at me for a while but I always brushed it off, like whatever because I wasn’t really interested. Anyway, a good friend of mine said, “Well, he seems like a nice guy and even though he may not be where you want him to be as far as looks, finances etc., I think you should give him a try because you never know…”

INTERJECTION: I should have never agreed to this.  You will always go wrong when you lower your standards.  But I decided not to be shallow and carry on because like she said “he seemed like a nice guy” and maybe I needed a nice, regular guy in my life.

Ok, so after a day of crazy hectic errands and random stuff I decide that yes I am still going to squeeze in a date with dude.  I take a nap with hopes that he would hit me up with the movie/dinner times and when he would pick me up…

I wake up to this text on my phone: “Hey, are we still on for tonight?”

I’m like: “Sure (I secretly wanted to flake but I had been doing that a lot so I decided I would get up out of bed- mind you I am blind texting since I am half asleep), what time is the movie?”

Him:  “Well, I can get you in like thirty minutes if you like”

This doesn’t answer my question, and I can’t get ready in only 30 minutes after passing out face first on my couch without a bonnet on or shower after running errands.

Me:  “What time does the movie start? Thirty minutes is no bueno”

Him:  “Oh IDK, I figured we would just show up to the theatre and take it from there.”

Any one who knows me knows I am a stickler for planning… I do not like to go anywhere without a Plan A and a Plan B in case things don’t work out.

***This should have also been a red flag to me considering this guy didn’t even have the decency to plan out a date with set times etc.  I am aggravated but I let it slide, I check the movie times myself and decide to go with the latest showing since it will give me ample time to mentally wake up, shower and get presentable.  I text him back when I would be ready and he objects saying he wanted to eat with me etc, etc, and if I could be ready earlier.  I’m really not hungry since I had a big meal before passing out on the couch (hence passing out on the couch in the first place) but I said I would try.

Time flies and he comes by and gets me.  We get in the car and try to figure out where we would eat …honestly I did not want to eat so I suggested that we get snacks in the movies and eat afterwards if we were still hungry.  He said that sounded good and we head to the movie theatre.

We get to the movies, he pays (I wasn’t expecting otherwise) and we sit and enjoy the movie.  No details about that because it wasn’t important so we will skip to the end of the movie.

This particular movie that we watched was super long.  I’m saying by the time we got out of the theatre it was like… 1:30/2 AM.  I am tired, ready to go home and go to sleep since I had things to do in the morning before work.  I express this to him and he’s like:  “Well, I still want to eat.”

Honestly, I don’t give AF.  But since he is transporting me I try to get my way nicely,  “Well anything open this late isn’t going to be good for you, and besides we ate in the theatre, I really need to get home.”

He says it will only take a minute so we head over to a Steak and Shake (which I freaking love btw but I was on diet mode at the time so it was torture, and I figured he’d be full off of the movie snacks because I barely touched them but… whatever, I got out of the car…)

We opt to take the food to go to save time and we order.  I ordered something small with a bottled water and mandarin oranges as the side (because I am so disciplined. lol) and he orders a large shake and a triple burger with fries, then asks the lady to double the triple burger so that there were 6 patties on it. (Mind you I didn’t even know they could do this, and I thought it was extremely extra of him to do so at 2 in the freaking morning but he was in good shape so I brushed it off.   I still thought it was kind of disgusting though.)

The lady tells us our total and then this is when he decides it’s ok to try my life.

Him:  “You got this right?”

Me:  “Um, no, why would I have this? You’re taking me out remember?”

Him:  “Well, why not? It’s only X dollars and I spent X dollars at the movies?”

I give him the “are you really trying me like this face”

Him:  “I should have told you, I do 50/50 on everything.”

If they weren’t already cooking the food and halfway done I would have cancelled the order.  The lady behind the counter was looking at me crazy like someone needs to pay for this…


I paid (and tipped because I usually always do) and silently decided in my head I would never talk to this dude again and that I needed to do whatever it took to get home and out of his presence ASAP.

We got back in the car and he was acting like everything was ok.  Like he didn’t just make me pay on a first date and try my life in front of the waitress.  We drove home in silence and I guess he didn’t realize that I was pissed until he pulled up to my condo and I was in a hurry to get out.

Him:  “Wait where are you going?  I was going to come up and eat with you.”

*Me thinking* Oh hell na.  “It’s late, I’m going home good night.”

You won’t believe what happened next.  Before I could open the door he speeds off past my condo with me still in the car.

Him:  “I’m gonna find a bench so we can eat somewhere”

Me:  “Dude, WTF are you doing take me back home its too late for all of this”

Him:  “Are you mad at me for some reason?”

No shit sherlock.  I explain to him that what he did in the restaurant was wrong and that you should never spring a bill on a lady.  If he didn’t have the means to cover the meal then he should have said so before hand. (He interjects that he had the money, he just believes in 50/50) to which I said well you should have said that before YOU asked ME out.      He then went on to say that he believes chivalry is dead and that he was opening my doors to be polite but since we weren’t together yet (ha! he said YET like it was inevitable) that we should split everything.  I told him that if he felt that way he should have explained that before I decided to go out with him.  He then went on to tell me some story about a double date he went on in the past, which I interrupted because it had nothing to do with our current situation or me.  Bottom line, men always take care of first dates, and never in my life has that ever happened to me.  If for some reason I didn’t have the money that would have been embarrassing but besides the point I was offended and was just ready to get TF out of his car.

He asked if he could make it up to me.  I ignored it and left.

Afterwards of course the texts came and I ignored them as well.  He approached me at work and asked me why I was ignoring him to which I told him he was an asshole.  He said he didn’t think it was that serious and laughed it off but still tried to walk me to my car ask me for hugs and kisses on the cheek to which I refused.

He is still trying for that second date.


Lesson learned:  Never lower your standards just because someone seems nice.  I don’t care how shallow it sounds.  You don’t want to be disappointed like I was.  I also figured that I would put my focus into other things.  Love always seems to happen when I least expect it.

This leaves me with the following questions:

Do you think men should take care of the first date?

Is this a new dating trend in which men and women go half on the first date?  If so where they do that at?

I’m pretty sure dude was just cheap though.

Your thoughts?


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